Today I came across a post of a young woman who was wondering, why she always seemed to twist herself like a pretzel in relationships. She was wondering, why she was unable to just be herself. Many people have this problem. The first date goes great and they may go on a second, or a third and once the relationship starts to become a bit more than a simple flirtation, something changes within them and they start to constantly second guess themselves, their behavior and their partner’s motives.
This post made me reminiscent about my own former relationships and I realized, that I had been doing the exact same thing. As soon as the relationship seemed to turn more serious, I was constantly trying to be what I thought my boyfriend was looking for in a girlfriend. I became nervous when he did not call for a couple of days because I was afraid that he did not like me anymore, or I began to analyze every message I received from him. I became so insecure and stressed myself out to the point that I began to wonder whether he would cheat on me or had other girlfriends beside me.
There is no doubt that often times self-doubt, limiting beliefs or even issues with father or mother figures can play a vital role in this behavior. However, this is only a part of the picture. When we look at this scenario from a spiritual viewpoint, there is much more to it.
When we are in a relationship, our energy either dances with the energy of our partner or it collides with it. This is in essence the difference between the wrong one and the right one. If we are in a relationship with the right partner, our energies complement each other, but when we are in a relationship with the wrong person, our energies are bouncing off of each other.
When our energies don’t match, something always feels off. But instead of listening to our Soul’s guidance, the ego says “humor me!”. And so as ego focused individuals, we stay in the relationship and bend over backwards to make it work albeit for the most part unsuccessfully simply because no matter what we do, our energies collide.
Prince Charming is not just an illusion and our Soul knows it. We all are searching for the same thing: a partner who complements us, who loves and respects us, a partner who is our equal, our soulmate, our true match. Often times when our Soul is trying to send us signals about a mismatch of energy, the ego is stubborn and refuses to acknowledge it, which causes our second guessing and erratic behavior. Deep down we know that this relationship is not meant to go anywhere, but at the same time we are afraid to lose that person because we may feel as if this was our last hope for happiness (or so our ego makes us believe).
So what is the catch? Let me ask you something: How often have you heard or read that in order to find the right person, we have to stop searching. Now don’t roll your eyes, I am sure you have heard that many times before. But you know what? It is actually true, and here is why: when we are looking for the right partner, we have a very specific image in mind. It may not necessarily be about what we want our partner to look like, but we have an idea of what qualities we want, what nationality, what background, maybe even hair color and body image.
When we have a specific image of our perfect match in mind, we are actually limiting ourselves. We send our wishes to the universe and hope that our dream man or woman will be instantly manifested and plopped right in front of us. And the universe tries its best to fulfil our wishes as best it can. So, we may meet someone who has the qualities we were looking for, but our energies still don’t match.
Let me tell you a little story about instant manifestation …. I was in my mid twenties, it was Saturday night and I was at a friend’s house getting ready to go out. We talked about random things and all of a sudden I said: “You know, I have never met a cop. I would like to meet a cop who is tall, blonde, blue eyes, muscular and is called Chris.” My friend and I laughed about it since this image I drew sounded too good to be true. Back then I did not know anything about manifestation or the laws of the universe. So we went out dancing that night at our favorite country club. A little while after we sat down, a guy came over and asked me to dance. I had never seen him before but I was in awe when I looked at him since he was tall, muscular, blonde with steel blue eyes. While we were dancing we talked and he said his name was Chris – and I thought no way! Then I inquired about his profession and he said: “I am a cop.”
I kid you not. This really happened.
We started dating, but sadly, things fell apart rather quickly. What went wrong? Quite simply put, he was what I was looking for at that moment, but he was not the right one for me, so our energies did not match. I told the universe what I was looking for and it delivered on each and every point. But I did not ask for a partner that would complement me, or a partner who wold be the right one for me, or even a partner who was emotionally available or anything else that would indicate that I wanted a long-lasting relationship. I just asked for visual qualities I was looking for.
How do we get to meet the right one? Like I mentioned before, we just have to stop looking. Most people will come to the same profound moment in their lives. They are fed up with all their failed relationships and just wish for the right one to come into their lives. Nothing more – nothing less. That is the moment when the universe can send us our true match.
I am sure that we all have wished for the right one many times before, but each time our wish was tied in with qualities we were looking for, yet it does not work this way. The right one will have the perfect qualities for us, but they may differ from what we are looking for at that moment, so for the right one to come into our lives, the one who will grow and evolve with us, we have to wish solely for the right one without any additions or substitutions. When we make that wish from the depth of our hearts, the universe knows that we are ready for our true partner and will send us Mr. Right. How do I know that? It happened to me. And it is quite fascinating how the universe set the wheels in motion and brought me and my husband together.
Back in 2001 I was still living in Germany. My sister and I had made plans to visit our aunt and uncle in Michigan since they had just moved there after many years on Ramstein Airbase. So when we had made our decision to fly half way across the world I decided to post a message in a yahoo chatroom called ‘romantic rendezvous’. I simply said that I had planned to come to Michigan that year and if anyone wanted to hang out. I had just broken up with my last boyfriend and was not at all looking for a new relationship but I thought having someone to hang out with would be nice.
I did receive a few replies. Some of them were rather suggestive, so I did not even bother to reply. One message though seemed at least somewhat descent. It said:”Let me know when you are coming and if I am here I will show you what you want to see and if not I will find someone for you.” Well, this reply sounded a bit weird but at least it was nothing sexual. So on a whim (or was it?) I replied and we started chatting. It took a few weeks before we decided to exchange pictures and even longer before we had our first phone conversation. But the connection we felt was undeniable even though we never talked about relationship or anything. We just talked. We became friends.
When my sister and I arrived in the States, him and I finally got to meet. It did not take long for me to realize that he was the one. There was no doubt, no second guessing, I was completely myself and felt so comfortable with him and in my own skin. I had never felt this sure about anyone before.
The interesting part of the story here is, that we both ended up in the same chat room at the same time. After all, we were on two different continents with 6 hours time difference. He once told me that right before we met he had just moved to Michigan, started working in a new company and did not know many people, so one day one of his coworkers suggested that he check out the yahoo chat rooms and maybe he might meet a nice girl. Well, there were literally 1000 different chat rooms back then and just on a whim, my husband went to the exact same chat room at the same time I was there posting my message. He said my message was the only one he replied to. And then 3.5 years later we got married and the rest is history.
When we have found the right one, there is no doubt. Your Soul knows.