You are worth fighting for
I love romance novels. Especially those that take place in the middle ages in Scotland. I feel drawn to the character of a fierce warrior who falls in love with a beautiful woman and then realizes that he would go through hell and back to protect her if he had to.
As women, we are raised to believe that only Price Charming can save us. Think about Snow White, Cinderella, Rapunzel and all the other female characters that the Brothers Grimm created, and Disney then brought to life.
Yet, in the end, when we feel that we need saving, no one magically appears to protect us, to wield their sword for us and whisk us away.
Then the unthinkable happens. We get sexually assaulted, physically or emotionally abused, or raped. Where is Prince Charming now? Where is the knight in shining armor who would fight for us and save us?
After such a violent act, many emotions, sensations and feelings rush through a victim. We feel violated, disgusted about the memory of every touch or other matter of attack. When you are being raped not one part of it is pleasurable. When you are being violated, every fiber of your body is revolting, trying to stop it. It is burning from the inside out. Not physically burning, but emotionally burning.
The days and weeks after such a violent act are the worst. We seclude ourselves and try desperately to get away from the memory. We can feel everything as if it is still happening. Every touch, every thrust we can still physically feel, combined with the burning sensation and the disgust. We take long extremely hot showers and try to scrub the feeling away. We feel dirty yet are incapable of washing it off. This dirt is not attached to us – it is within us.
That is when we begin to emotionally detach our mind from our body. We stop feeling into our body. We separate from our body. Our body is no longer a part of us because we can’t stand how it feels anymore. We have lost all connection with our body. We build a protective shield that is meant to keep us from ever feeling into the memory again. Every time the memories come through; we distance ourselves even further from our body. Now it seems as if our body and our mind are two different entities.
We build a wall between our body and our Soul. We simply tell our body that it is left to its own devices. Yet, the body is suffering just as much as the Soul and needs healing just as badly.
The body is trying to reach out to the Soul over and over again, desperately trying to get its attention. Often, the body sends out signals in the form of physical pain. It is not uncommon for a sexual assault/rape victim, to develop Fibromyalgia or other somatic disorders.
All the emotions and sensations remain stuck within the body’s cells. And at some point, these cells can’t handle the heavy burden anymore. They cry out for release and often this cry turns into physical pain. All as an effort to be heard. But at that point, we have been so disconnected from our body that we don’t realize the cause of the physical pain. Modern medicine is only beginning to understand the connection between somatic pain and the possibility of suppressed trauma.
Many people see a counselor for many years without feeling any better about their trauma. They talk about it, hash it out, but no real progress is being made. The reason is simple: talking about the trauma does not necessarily prompt us to reconnect with our body and release the emotional pain and physical sensation.
So here we are, our whole being is crying out for help. It needs healing, it needs a savior. It needs someone who will listen and take the reign. What can we do? Quite simply put, we need to do exactly what we tried our best to avoid. We need to reconnect with our body. We need to fully embrace our whole being. This is the part where most people get stuck. Connecting with our body would mean that we would feel the same emotions and sensations that we tried so hard to suppress for so long. Yet, it is the only way to heal.
We need to face ourselves head on. We need to become our own Warrior Princess. It is a battle we need to fight against ourselves. Our will to be whole again has to be stronger than our fear of feeling again. Once we take the first step towards healing our trauma, our cells will respond and begin releasing.
Sometimes we will feel an emotion and have a flashback, and sometimes we wont. The more we allow to release, the freer, lighter and more as one with our body we will feel.
Trauma is not something that affects solely the mind, it affects the whole body, mind and spirit. And to release our traumatic past, we need to address every part of us. But where do we begin? How can we begin our journey to safely reconnect with our whole being? How can we find the courage to release all that we held on to?
Just as each trauma survivor has a different story, each healing approach will be different. There is no one size fits all approach to trauma healing, which is why counseling works for some, but not for others.
To determine which approach would be best for you ask yourself what you feel drawn to? What do you see? Which vision makes you feel comfortable, safe, heard? Do you see an office where you talk to someone? Do you see people practicing yoga or a similar spiritual/physical practice? Do you see yourself
being in a massage parlor? Do you see yourself receiving energy healing and working with crystals?
If you allow your body and mind to work together and guide you towards the best healing approach, you will notice that your mind shifts to what would help you most. You will develop new interests and will be guided to try them out. Listen to your mind and body. They know what they need.
My trauma healing happened once I began my journey into spirituality and so of course my approach to helping people release their trauma is a combination of psychological and spiritual approaches that involve the body, mind and Soul as a whole.
I help people release their trauma through energy work (Reiki), somatic psychology approaches (trauma coaching & mentoring), metapsychology approaches (Traumatic Incident Reduction) and mindfulness (guided meditation, visualizations, journalling). Combining these approaches into one holistic trauma healing program will bring fast and lasting results.
Trauma is something that we had to experience, yet it is not something we have to live with for the rest of our lives. We have every right to kick it to the curb, stand up, brush off our clothes and live a happy and successful life. Let me help you get there! Let me help you to take back your life, rise above your story and discover who you truly are.
AFTERTHOUGHT: After healing my own trauma, I often wonder about the concept of Prince Charming. We all know that there are good men out there who will treat us with love and respect. But would we recognize them, if we had not been through hell and back before meeting them? Would we know what a good man was, if we hadn’t experienced the bad?
I have seen it so many times in friends and clients. After going through hell because of trauma, they met their prince charming. He came into their lives and gave them a safe space to heal. He gave them the courage to embrace love and life once more. Yet, he didn’t come into their lives to save them. They did not need saving! The had already become their own Warrior Queens!
Prince Charming is not entering our lives to rescue us, to take over, to whisk us away into a life of never ending bliss. No, Prince Charming is who we meet after we went through hell and back for ourselves. After we understood that we don’t need anyone fighting for us.